sluggish grey matter

my writing thoughts down stopped mid July, i'm not sure why, they just did, and perhaps it was simply due to a lack of thoughts to write about. everything started to feel the same, no difference between days anymore, days blurring into weeks, weeks into months, and here we are approaching October and the run up to xmas. where the fuck has this year gone? in the same breath, what the fuck has this year got left to give?

a slower pace of thoughts are coming out as i type, i'm having to think of what to put down, this isn't me, my normal self, my thoughts normally racing off my fingers through the keyboard and onto the screen. somehow i feel muted, subdued, my thought process slowed, stuck in a space lacking any creativity, which could be caused by months of not really doing anything or going anywhere or seeing anyone. twitter has been a method of escape for a couple of years now, and was needed the past few months more than ever, a constant shoulder to lean on, 'likes' only a tweet away acting as much as human contact as a handshake or hug during these isolating times.

yet again i find myself at a pause, looking around my office at the books on my shelf, so many books, so much to read, grand ideas of reading them all during lockdown never materialising into anything more than flicking through a few pages from time to time. i have read a couple, but my love of reading (just the act of reading) has still not returned to me, i'm at a loss as to how to get it back.

my activity watch just vibrated, 'time to move', i ignore it and continue staring at the screen.

my mind is a blank, a mush, a sluggish lump of matter, typing this has brought that to my attention, to that i'm thankful. I can feel the difference in only a couple of months, the sharpness has gone, i can't write as fluidly as i could, there isn't as much to pick through and chew on and splurge onto the page. concerning.

and there it is. the thought killer, the one thing that i can't escape each day no matter how hard i try. the charts. they are always there even if i'm not staring at one on the computer screen, forever etched in my minds eye... the lines, the colours, the numbers, the targets, the hopes of profit and the fear of loss. Trading is still my main pursuit (obviously, given what i've just said) and has most likely taken more of me than i should like to have given this year. Working from home full time has given greater freedom to spend more time in the markets; not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, time will inevitably tell

i hope you're doing well, i hope you're holding up during a difficult year, i hope you're finding your own outlets for mental exercise, perhaps let me know what they are ok? i need some ideas on how to sharpen my own sluggish grey matter right now.